I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
