it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
