so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
