If i come over, it means nothing
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
