I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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