I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
