my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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