marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
