oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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