I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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