I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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