I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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