i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
