I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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