Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
