My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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