Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
