I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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