My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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