It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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