i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
