We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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