I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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