It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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