too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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