I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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