there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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