I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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