cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
