this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
