Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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