at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
