i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
