Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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