can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wear drunk well.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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