you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
