planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
