im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
