It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
