; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yo dont text me then not text me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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