You're my little dorito
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
