I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I cut my penus on the lid.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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