last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
