sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
