Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
