so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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