I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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