eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
only if we run a train.
done.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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