puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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