I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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