everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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