Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Ketchup is God's man juice
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
