As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
