Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I puked a lego.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
