dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
