I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
