There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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