I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
