I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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