We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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