Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
