i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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