haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize