Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Fuck appropriateness.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
